Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
