just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
