You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
