I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
