Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
