What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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