areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
