party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize