I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize