Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
