Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
