I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
