my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
