I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
