Is it because I queefed?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
