I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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