the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
