i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
