There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
