I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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