she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
