Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
