Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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