and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
