If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
