Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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