3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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