I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
