did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
