I can text with my tongue
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
