Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
