since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
