Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
