We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
