I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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