Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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