i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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