butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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