Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love having hate sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
