There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
