..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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