He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
