she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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