Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize