If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
