Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
