do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
