I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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