I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
