We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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