i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Even my vagina gasped.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
