hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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