You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
