Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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