Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
