Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
