well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
