dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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