I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
