You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
