Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
