I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
