i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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