what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
