The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
