I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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