"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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